I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
