Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
