I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
