I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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