I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
