After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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