woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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