i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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