Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
