I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize