It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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