Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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