In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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