my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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