Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
