your parents love me but you hate me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
