Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
