I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
