DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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