I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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