You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
