I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
