I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
