You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
