This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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