I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
