The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
