we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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