new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I FOUND THE LEGS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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