I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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