So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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