I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
