What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
