I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
