he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
