STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
