Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
