dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
