I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
