I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
