I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
