I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
