we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
