we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
MIDGETS
????
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
