This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My breasts were aching with rage.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
