i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
