Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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