been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
