This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
