he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize