Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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