No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
