I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
