In the future we'll all be gay
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
