Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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