Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
