don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
