i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
