none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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