I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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