My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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