I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
