the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
