i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
